I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
