We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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