Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
