I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i've created a new STD.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
