Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i need some magic done to my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
