Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
