Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
