my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
