she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
