Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
