No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
