mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
