I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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