I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
