I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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