You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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