If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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