I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
