GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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