i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
