so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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