the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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