You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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