I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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