...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
