Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
