clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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