So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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