If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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