What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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