I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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