he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
