if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
His nipple licking is glorious
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