it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
