i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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