i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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