He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
