I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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