She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
