He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
