Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The best revenge is premature balding
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
