??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
