What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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