please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
