Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
