Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
