I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
