im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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