So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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