So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
