guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
