I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
