Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
