you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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