if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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