Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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