i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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