trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
