i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
