I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
