The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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