Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
