guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
