You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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