Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
